Life is a park

Don’t fight it, don’t cry about it

Life is just a park where you pay to play

But you have to leave some time, you know you do

You may take the ride of your choosing

Or the games you are told

But one day you have to go whether it was scary fun

Whether you laughed or got scared out of your mind

Though you may want to pay and stay

Though you may pray to come back

You may not, though your elders may tell you

When the light is to be shut and the gate to be closed

You may cry as you waive goodbye

You’d just had a glamorous time

Others may finally smile and sigh

For them it was no thrill, for them it was no fun

It was a waking nightmare they didn’t choose

A nightmare they were dragged into by parents bored on a Sunday afternoon.

Written by Karim Kadiri on 2/22/08

Moroccan male seeks…

While net chatting with a female friend this week, our conversation turned to the topic of guys “searching for a wife” on various Moroccan websites. She unwittingly set off a firestorm within me that was raging within her soul as well.

We quickly began spilling out our respective and mutual distain for the core significance of such practices. What are the real reasons males engage in such techniques to meet a Moroccan woman in this foreign land?

As I see it there are two or more reasons for such ads with equally disturbing reasoning.

The first may be that some males in the US may simply be poorly integrated and therefore in a weaker position to meet the right partner. They might also not be comfortable making the right “moves” in the physical presence of a woman they find interesting or attractive.

In either case I feel as though the ads posted on this site in particular are very awkward and in poor taste at the very least; a point that will get back to a bit later in this article.

The second type of ad posted here may be of a predatory nature as I see it. I can’t help but feel an air of con, dishonesty and misrepresentation of the self. I interpret many of these to be fueled by the desire to simply meet and hopefully sleep with more women rather than the hope to meet one’s life partner.

As outrageous as this statement may sound, I can tell you that I feel very strongly about it. I felt so disappointed with the chauvinistic tone of some of these postings that I felt obligated to respond (as a male) to some of them via e-mail, directly to the writer to state my disgust. 

Yes I feel it is absolutely disturbing to write things like; I am looking for a good Moroccan girl for marriage, only serious girls need apply (often in very poor English).

What does this type of ad really say? Is it really inviting to the opposite sex or does it make a lady feel like an object?

To me this sounds like a “wanted to buy” ad! ‘”looking to purchase a 98 Dodge arrow engine for parts…”

Isn’t marriage in this day and age supposed to be a bit more sophisticated? Are we not as civilized people supposed to actually fall in mad love before we commit to a life long union?

I can already hear some of you saying there’s nothing wrong with posting an ad or “how else do we meet the right person in this foreign country”?

If intentions are sincere, pure and genuine, the ads should read a bit more like a short biography to include our positions in life and highlighting our likes and dislikes so that the female reader may find a connection she wishes to expand on.

Seeking a fellow Moroccan for the potential of a future union is a noble goal but stating on an ad that you are looking for a “good” girl to marry is not for all that it implies…

Many Moroccan women friends have confessed to me that they have found much to their chagrin and horror that Moroccan males in big part have not evolved in the chauvinism and male superiority departments. Many have intimated to me that after all their escapades and years in the US (Europe as well), these guys when ready to settle, will want and demand a “fresh out of the box” virgin and nothing else.

In many cases these female friends are therefore faced with the choice of either looking for foreign males or having an operation to restore their virginity and inventing a whole new past to suit their future husbands.

It is also quite a dance that some of these ladies have to perform in order to be the ideal mate to their suitors. Often times these guys after seeing the woman for a few weeks, wish to go to the next level and “taste “ the merchandise so to speak. Well here comes the dilemma for our young women as it was explained to me. If the girl does go to bed with this husband to be, how does she still claim to be a good girl and what proof do we have that she did not succumb to temptation before?

On the other hand if she is unwilling to perform before the wedding, there might not be a wedding!

 It is high time for us men to own up to the fact that women are no different than us in this regard; for the most part they want to live fully, enjoy all there is to enjoy, then fall in love and marry an emancipated man that will not hold their past against them in any way. It is time for Moroccan women to stop having to manufacture innocent uneventful pasts to please their men.

There is strength numbers and women in masses have to agree to start telling it like it is and never flinch under pressure from fiancés or family. Eventually when the Moroccan male realizes his options on the “market place” he’ll simply be happy to have found a good woman that loves him. For the French speakers, I kindly refer you the Lafontaine fable of “Le heron”.

What gives the man the right to expect such supposed purity and innocence from a woman when he possesses none? If we are talking religion, then it is forbidden for both male and female to have sex before marriage. It is therefore a cultural and societal issue. We have come to expect more out of a woman than a man and I find that utterly reprehensible.

I felt backward discrimination in my own family as my brothers, uncles and I were at perfect liberty to bring up the topic of girls in the presence of elders.

Anytime I was fortunate enough to have a significant woman in my life, she would be welcome in our home without a problem whereas the same would be completely unthinkable for my sister, my aunts etc…

In some cases these could be matters of ignorance of real life on the part of our families and in others mere denial perhaps.

Although I have always appreciated my family’s understanding and warmth towards my girlfriends, I by the same token resented their hypocrisy and made no secret of it.

My hope is that some of my fellow Arab males (and guys in general) get to reconsider their views and positions in these matters. The aim of this article is NOT to offend; rather it is to kindly raise awareness of a serious state of affairs in these troubled times.

 If we, the Arabs who have had the good fortune to leave our homelands to gain new perspectives, do not emancipate and evolve in this arena, there is not much we can expect from others who have remained in the Arab, Muslim and conservative world in general

Watch out for the AM Nazis:

By AM I certainly do not mean after midnight or morning, I am most definitely referring to your radio dial and the supremacists, fascists that rule the airwaves.

If you have not been listening, I am here to tell you that it is American fundamentalism of the first kind that permeates the air. Your options of stations and talk show hosts are many and the topics very few; it is but a parade of loud speaking, self absorbed, self righteous, overpaid, pompous, arrogant sounding agitators with the sole purpose in mind of deifying America!

America can do no wrong they will continually tell you in so many twisted ways:

One such host is mounting a campaign to free the soldiers that were found guilty of genocide in Iraq. Despite all proof of their guilt including the testimony of fellow soldiers who witnessed the unprovoked mass shooting of women and children, this patriotic voice on the radio is calling these uniformed criminals heroes, out there fighting to protect our freedom here in America.

These heroes couldn’t possibly be guilty he says and claims to have proof that these poor souls were purposely made into scapegoats in order to appease the “other side”. To that end he plans to sue the generals who court-martialed them, for treason!

Rush Limbaugh for his part is blaming the liberals for tying the hands of reasonable congressmen and senators in his camp and preventing them from doing the right thing and voting to hit Iraq in a more decisive manner with bigger bombs (including nuclear). According to Rush it is these same yahoos that prevented what could’ve been a clear victory in Vietnam. Had we done the right thing he says, and applied the atomic solution, we would’ve never lost that fight.

Limbaugh also advocates the same solution for Syria and most likely for Iran although I must confess I have not been listening and therefore have not heard his thoughts on the Iran crisis as it is viewed now.

All of these fascist pundits, reminiscent of the movie “V for vendetta” will often reiterate how America does not cut and run, America does not accept defeat, America cannot and will not lose the war! Such defiant voices remind us of Hitler and his insinuated denial of a God above us all that does have a final say in these matters.

 Despite all evidence to the contrary you will continually hear about the multiple successes achieved thus far in this invasion and will shamelessly be told that the ultimate goal is at hand.

As I see it, this lack of humility and constant brainwashing of the masses is precisely what will bring about the end of America’s dominance in the world as it will perpetuate the awful mistakes committed by this government leading the country down the path and fate of empires past.

On the related subject of crime and Nazis, you might have caught the first democratic debate organized by CNN and hosted by Wolf Blitzer. One pivotal and telling moment for me was when this seasoned commentator asked the following question (not paraphrased)

“If you were President and received intelligence that Oussama Bin Ladin was in a house in Pakistan or Afghanistan and that we could take him out in one shot but kill innocent people along with him, would you give the order to carry out such an attack?”

All the presidential candidates except for one (Dennis Kucinich) raised their hands defiantly in approval from the safety of the college or church where this event was being held. All had to demonstrate to the voters how tough they were on international terrorism by vowing to take out an insignificant figurehead in order to supposedly make Americans safer.

This little charade summed it all up for me. America needs hype much more so than it likes substance. Just like lawmakers in two thousand and one all jumped on the bandwagon that was Georges Bush’s crusade after September eleventh, now again they are here to prove they have learned nothing and still would kill innocents to gain political credit.

As my American friend Bob said on the subject, the subsequent question should have been “what if Bin Ladin was said to be in your house Mr. and Mrs. Candidate, with your children, wife and family right here in the suburbs of Washington DC, would you still give the order to take him out or is your children’s life more important than that of children in Pakistan and Afghanistan?

This stumper would have brought it home for the American audience and perhaps would have made clear the crimes this country is committing against others.

America has also been bombing various sites inside Somalia lately claiming each time that it was attacking Al Qaeda targets and each time confessing quietly that it had in fact been mistaken and only innocents were killed; I never recall hearing these AM Nazis crying foul for the lives needlessly lost or for the utter disregard for Somali Sovereignty by the US. It is abundantly obvious that to these radio crusaders, all lives are not created equal! Only American life deserves to be preserved, defended and brought up in debate.

The way I see it, America will only be worth living in again when liberal voices have equal time and do not have to hide in the shadows cast as unworthy traitors for not proudly carrying the flag.

This country was founded on equality but no longer values that premise; George W. said so clearly, “you’re either with us or against us” when in fact the wise peace loving man says “if you’re not against us, you are with us”!

Written by Karim Kadiri

9/18/07

Faith or fate?

It occurred to me as I was pondering and questioning everything within my soul concerning my belief systems, that very few of us ever stray away from our creed, religion and the things we were told to identify with and believe in as children.

This line of thought prompted me to ask myself whether these choices were really our own or just things we have been unwittingly brainwashed into adopting.

Starting with the most important facet of this puzzler, namely religion, I began to see what was technically very clear, and that is that if we are born Christian we will most likely believe in Christ for the rest of our lives and the same goes for Muslims with Mohamed, the Jews with Moses not to mention all the other faiths with their respective Gods and prophets.

Have we all considered the “what ifs”? What if instead of having been born Moroccan Muslims you had instead been born a Moroccan Jew? Would you not in that case firmly believe in what your parents believed and their parents before them?

The answer seems exceedingly clear and obvious to me and this finding compelled me to consider a litany of other aspects of life itself.

Without aiming to offend the more religious among us, I do wish to pose several pivotal questions.

-Why do we each believe that our own religion is the one?

-Why do we each think we are the chosen people?

-Why would our good God select one batch of people and give the others the insurmountable task of switching faiths or else go to hell for eternity?

Many more perplexing thoughts crossed my mind as I delved deeper and deeper into my analysis of these issues.

My personal belief is that we as a people have not a clue with regards to God’s plan. I firmly believe that the problem with religions in general is not what God said in the book rather it is the various faiths’ insistence that “our” temple is the only righteous one that fully understands our creator’s master plan.

The more I studied religion the more I understood how little humans could possibly comprehend the cosmic realities that surround us. Institutionalized religion has always forced its interpretation on the people and said interpretation has consistently through the ages been literal and on the mundane, earthly realm. I personally believe that the word of God was written in a very esoteric manner with room for various intellectual levels of understanding and appreciation. I therefore believe in the individual responsibility of each of us to read, learn and be true to our own understanding.

Faith is individual! Faith should NOT be left to a priest, an Imam or any so called religious leader to interpret for us. This does not preclude us from asking questions when we feel we could benefit from another’s knowledge or intellect. It also does not mean that we have to follow our individual church or Mosque’s vision without first reading and attempting to understand things for ourselves.

I could say much more about my loathing of organized religion and all of its misdeeds from the crusades as a simple example to today’s unending wars in Palestine and Israel and of course Iraq with its Sunni and Shiaa ongoing slaughter. I will simply close this chapter by saying that I do not believe that God wants or needs us to kill for him; we are not his ambassadors on earth nor are we prophets sent to deliver his message!

On much less controversial aspects I considered our respective traditions, choices in dress code, décor etc; I found it rather strange that once again so few of us ever strayed from our origins in these arenas.

I am quite confident that the Chinese have discovered the spoon and the fork by now and yet they find it more interesting to carry on with the challenge of their sticks.

Our Greek friends celebrate their special moments such as weddings and such by joyfully smashing and breaking dishes by the dozens while chanting happy folk songs.

Our neighbors to the north, the Spaniards have two respectively disgusting and abhorrent rites they engage in yearly; the first of course is the famed tomato festival where the custom is to throw this vegetable at each other and then bask and play in this repugnant stew of sweaty humans and rotting smelly tomato paste.

The other of course is the heartless running of the bulls in the streets of the city to eventually land in the arena where toreadors taunt these innocent animals as they slowly kill them by jabbing them with poison filled swords. You would think that any human with mild common sense would cry foul at this senseless practice but to the contrary the crowds cheer and the slaughter masters in their silly outdated suits are hailed as heroes.

Almost no one (very few) from these backgrounds stops and proclaims they will not carry on the traditions of their ancestors!

Simply because one happens to be Greek does he or she have to partake in the destruction of kitchenware?

Similarly, for the simple reason that I am Moroccan I have to endure rituals I fully dislike at my own wedding? I never liked henna! I find Djellabahs incredibly unmanageable and despise the entire concept of “Negafat” (bride helpers…) and the idea that my wife to be has to be redressed ten times in one evening etc...

None of this seems remotely natural to me and yet my fellow humans will undoubtedly carry on with what we’ve come to call “tradition”.

One final multi-faceted thought therefore comes to my twisted mind…

-Who started these traditions?

-Who decided this was what we would all adopt as our own rite?

-What was the norm one day before these traditions began?

 Last but certainly not least on my list would be:

-Why and how long should we keep this up?

In closing I simply wish to state that I am of the opinion that if these rituals do make us happy and give us something to look forward to then they are definitely worth keeping but if on the other hand they feel more like uncomfortable impositions on our modern lives then they should be struck down (for some of us) as the natural evolution of things takes hold.

Written by Karim Kadiri 6/30/07

Band of brothers

A man makes a decision, another always pays the price

Teach the president to play guitar, help him feel the vibe

Never a man with a soul has ever started a war

Notes are too pretty and melody always softens the heart

Let the soldiers drop their gun and pick up a new tune

Teach the troops to hear music and blow a different horn

A heart full of harmony could never hurt another

When minds are singing who wants to deal with fire?

Chorus

Let us be a band of brothers, let us sing in unison

Teach us to kill with kindness, teach us how love conquers all

Remind us how we all want the same thing

Remind us how we won’t be here for ever

A man makes a decision, a man makes a mistake

Remember we were all children that lived to play

We were young but wiser, we never hated anyone

Gather the troops, let’s make a hit of a different kind

Taking notes from every side, we’re gonna be a “Band of Brothers”

Written by Karim Kadiri 9/7/04